If you have been following parts 1 and 2 of this series so far you might be wondering what exactly my point is. Things have been so disjointed and at times over the top that you might be thinking that it is just a random collection of thoughts with no beginning middle or end. The truth though is a little more complex than that. You see, I have been kind of pulling a Mr. Miyagi on everyone so far. You have to remember that part in the Karate Kid when he had Daniel waxing his cars, painting his house, and sanding his floor among other things. Daniel became convinced that he was simply being used for free labor and that Mr. Miyagi had no intention of teaching him karate. Personally I think Daniel should of just considered himself incredibly lucky to not have been molested, but apparently simply not being molested was not enough for him. He had a tournament coming up and he was furious that he had not learned any karate from Mr. Miyagi yet.
Well you know the story. The truth was that Mr. Miyagi was secretly ingraining him with karate training the entire time but he was masking it as laborious chores. At least that is what the movie would want you to believe. I personally think that Mr. Miyagi was using Daniel for free labor and it was just a completely improbable coincidence that the moves related to karate. This series is kind of like that. Behind every outrageous story there is small tidbits of information to be gleaned from it.
Take for instance in part 1 when I discussed what is healthy and what is not. Most people who read it commented about how they can never look at chickens the same way now because my reference to fish having sex with them. The point I was making was to not get caught up in all these new fads. It seems like every year some new diet craze breaks out or some new way to workout becomes the in thing to do. I remember when I was a teenager it was all about low fat diets and training with a lot of sets and reps. Then in the late 90s and early 2000s the low carb diet once again returned to prominence. Also people began embracing the high intensity style of training once again, the concept of brief but very intense training sessions that were infrequent. Later on things changed again and primitive diets became all the rage and functional training was the new in thing.
It is enough to make your head spin. The truth is that there really are no new methods. The fundamentals of healthy eating have always been simple. Good lean protein sources, whole grains, fruits, vegetables, along with some dairy has never failed anyone. Throwing in some non-healthy foods are not a problem so long as done in moderation. Getting very lean requires some more advanced dieting techniques but how many people are honestly even close to approaching a very lean state. Training needs not be complicated either. Focus on the big compound lifts and round things off with some direct isolation work and some machine work as well. I have trained with quite a few different splits and routines over the last few years and everyone of them has worked to one degree or another when I applied intensity and consistency to them.
In part 2 I drifted through many subjects but there was a common theme running among them all. If you approach things with the wrong mindset you will get the wrong results. This applies to fitness, relationships, work, and all aspects of life. If I go to the gym because I want to look better to get noticed by other people chances are I will end up failing. Sure vanity can be a motivator but it can only go so far. It would be like going out to bars every night trying to get laid and then wondering why I could not find a decent long term relationship.
I found little success with training and working out when I had no set goals and purpose other than to look better. When I approached things different and set a definite goal and set a deadline for reaching that goal the entire story changed. Now I was actually working towards something that was easily identifiable but also realistically attainable. That can apply to more than just training. If I sit down and say to myself, Jason you need to work on making your business take off, then I will get no where fast. If instead I sit down and say to myself that to get my business to take off I need to get some gym shirts made and I need to get some logos on my car to advertise and I could also use some business cards. Then I tell myself that I need to have the shirts made by May 20th and the car logo done by May 28th and so on then I will accomplish those things.
Don't get me wrong though, there are something that need to be more spur of the moment. Relationships definitely fall in this category. I think we all know someone (and many of us have been that person) who may have been single for a snip of time and really want to find someone. It becomes almost a cliched joke that when you are looking to find a significant other you have an almost zero percent chance of finding them. Have you ever been talking to your friend and you want to tell them the name of a good song you heard the other day but for the life of you, you can't remember the damn title. Then hours later while you are laying in bed suddenly the name comes to you. Well if you are my friend, I am likely to call you at 3 in the morning and let you know that I just remembered it, which is why I probably don't have a lot of friends. The point I am getting at is that when you are trying hard to find something you will rarely find it.
It is kind of likely when I met Missy. I was certainly not looking to find anyone. I was at the very tail end of a very bad relationship and I planned on being single for some time. I even thought about all the cool things I could do and what freedom would feel like. And wouldn't you know it but when I was not looking the most wonderful person in the world fell into my lap. Well not literally, she is a good girl and not like that, but you know the figure of speech.
When I was in high school I worked at a local grocery store. There was another cashier there that my cousin thought was fantastically beautiful. I honestly can't even remember what she looked like, I just remember he definitely had a thing for her. I remember one day I was getting off work and my cousin met me at the store. He had worked up the nerve and wanted to ask her out on a date. But being that we were kind of morons back then it wasn't enough to just be himself and ask her. Instead he had to "pump up" first. No this isn't a reference to the penis pump he shoplifted, this is a reference how after you train a muscle it becomes more swollen than normal. Bodybuilders call this "the pump".
This presented my cousin with a problem of sorts. You see we were in fact not in a gym but in a grocery store so there were no barbells or dumbbells. Not one to be deterred my cousin decides to bust out some curls using a watermelon. So imagine the sight, a 17 year old kid in a sleeveless white tee shirt doing curls with a giant watermelon, in the middle of the produce department. Seriously, this really happened, I couldn't make this shit up. After about ten minutes and apparently satisfied with his biceps, he walked over to the cash registers and got in the girl's line. I am thinking her name was Anna, so we will just use that rather than I keep calling her "that girl". I was standing off a bit so I couldn't hear what my cousin was saying to her. Honestly I think I was a bit embarrassed. I mean I bought into that whole get big and jacked and get laid mentality but this was too surreal for even my 17 year old mind to handle. I was probably stoned too, which didn't help matters.
I am trying to remember events from over 15 years ago so things are a bit hazy, but I know that she turned down his offer. I know it is shocking that a stunning woman would turn down my cousin and his pumped up biceps but somehow she fought down her womanly urges and resisted his charm. My cousin was a bit upset of course. No one likes to be rejected. I still remember how he dealt with his rejection. We drove to the airport, I have no idea why, and he got on a pay phone. My cousin was and probably still is a master of throwing his voice. He used to trick me all the time. Well he called up to store and asked to speak to the manager using the voice of a much older man. When the manager got on the line my cousin voiced a complaint on a cashier named Anna. Using his older man voice he said, "I am quite embarrassed to say this but when I went through her line earlier she offered to give me oral pleasure. I am a married man and this made me very uncomfortable." I am not sure what the outcome of the phone call was. I had heard the next day that Anna was called to the manager's office but she continued working there. I doubt the manager took the complaint very seriously. Hell, maybe he did and she offered him oral pleasure to avoid being fired.
Rule Number 4- Don't curl a watermelon to pump up your biceps before asking someone on a date.
That might seem like a no brainer but apparently it is not. So far these rules for attracting the opposite sex consist of being alive, being human, choosing the correct sex for your orientation, and not curling watermelons. I think each of these are extremely solid pieces of advice.
Well Part 3 has now progressed to a part 4. That will come tomorrow.
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