I have to be honest, I really have no motivation to write this entry. The last entry focused on how women can appear more attractive to men. I extensively researched multiple studies on the subject that were published in medical and scientific journals. I sifted through what information I found and discarded any contradictory information or studies performed under dubious standards. I then showed how those studies could apply to personal training. I explained how a good personal trainer could write a program specifically designed to improve how attractive a woman would appear towards men based upon her body type.
The truth is that most people don't care about improving their physique. They simply want the scale to read a lower number. If they can also fit into a smaller clothes size it is all the better. Let me give you a quick example of what I am talking about. Say a woman, we will call her Delorean, hires Quickstrike Fitness Solutions for personal training. Delorean has recently separated from her long time husband. The thought of re-entering the dating scene terrifies her. She comes to us because she is insecure about her body and wants to feel more desirable. At first I try to fix her up with my uncle, Ron, "I'll fuck'em fat", Meinhard. Delorean is flattered, but politely declines. My next step is to do a physical assessment.
This is actually a quick process. I simply get some basic information from her and do a quick visual check. I notice that she has a thick waist and not much junk in the trunk. I refer to this as the "potato" look. It is very common among women but it certainly doesn't need to be. My next step will be to give her a basic overview of how we can improve her physique and send her back into the dating world with a leg up on the competition (this is a very simplified summary of the process a new client would go through). I would tell her that we would focus her diet and training around thinning out her waist line and adding a bit of meat to her ass and hips.
At this point she gives me that pissed off black woman's look. She is not black, at least I would assume she is not if she has no ass, but she gives me that look all the same. If you don't know what that look is then I suggest watching Eddie Murphy's live stand up show called Raw. He nails that pissed off black woman's look better than anyone. She then gives me a dressing down. "Ohh what kind of trainer are you, yeah lets make my ass bigger, ohhh... look at me 'my name is Jason and I am a fucking retard'". That might be a hard sentence to follow but it was basically her pretending to be me. Damn I am confusing myself now.
Let me tell you that if you have no interest in actually improving your physique, but instead only want to lose weight, then you do not need a personal trainer. All you need is to eat less. Yes it is really that simple. It doesn't matter what you eat, just eat less and you will lose weight. You will look like shit after you lose weight but obviously you don't care so long as the scale reads less. What I am getting at is that unless you try to change your physique all you will end up is a smaller version of yourself. If you are a potato with legs you will be a smaller potato with legs. Sorry but I could never charge someone money to make them look like shit.
So Delorean storms out of our office (currently our living room- but office sounds cooler). Because she is fat and mad, she slips on our front steps and rolls down the hill in front of our house. She is not seriously hurt but it does give us a great laugh. As she picks herself up off the ground, another potential client is already pulling up. This client is a bit different than the last one though. The most important difference is that he has a penis and not a vagina. Right away I am excited because I am always on the look out for new clients that might eventually become a training partner. Women are always welcome to train with the "hardcore" group but there is simply not that many interested in doing that.
This man, we will call him Beef Supreme, is interested in personal training. He has been single for sometime and lacks confidence with the opposite sex. He hopes that by improving his body he might be more confident with women. The first thing I do is ask him his penis size to make sure it is not bigger than mine. Once I get that out the way I then do the same physical assessment as I did with Delorean. Beef Supreme is on the taller side, a bit of a spare tire, big arms and a thick chest but not the biggest shoulders. By this point I am chomping at the bit. I explain to him that I have had a similar build so I am a bit of an old pro when it comes to dealing with that. I tell him that by working on shedding the fat from his midsection and really working on the rear and side shoulder muscles we could dramatically improve his physique.
Beef Supreme seems a bit disappointed at first. He tells me that he is not interested in being big and bulky and just wants to tone up. Normally this would annoy me but since I have a bigger penis than him I let it roll off my shoulder. Instead of being annoyed I ask him what is "toning up?" There is no such thing as toning. You cannot shorten or lengthen a muscle or change its shape. Sorry but we have what we are born with. That is why there is only about a 100 bodybuilders (out of hundreds of thousands worldwide) who can qualify as pro's. Even among the pro's there has only been 13 men to win the Mr. Olympia title (the top competition in bodybuilding) in the 47 years that it has been held. An even more staggering statistic is that the four men with the most Mr. Olympia wins (Lee Haney- 8, Ronnie Coleman- 8, Arnold Schwarzenegger- 7, Dorian Yates- 6) have won it a combined 29 times. That means that in 47 years four men have won the event more than 60% of the time. So what I am saying is that life is not fair.
I tell him that if he simply loses weight, with no regard to improving his physique, he will become disappointed with his results no matter how much weight he loses. Whether he weighs 300 pounds or 200 pounds he will still have narrow shoulders and a spare tire (the tire will be less but still there). That is why you have to follow a training protocol to improve your physique while you lose weight. This requires more effort than simply losing weight but it is the only way to go about things. Some people who read this might still have doubts but your fear of hard work will never change the facts. Watch the Biggest Loser to see what I mean. They lose weight but just end up skinny fat people instead of people with an impressive physique.
So, with that out of the way, I will explain to men how to make themselves more attractive to women. Actually, this can be a bit more complicated because women are a lot more complex then men. If you doubt this let me ask you, how often do men have to fake orgasms? That just ended any doubts right in their tracks. You see it would seem that a woman's perception of a man's attractiveness could vary depending on what stage of her menstrual cycle she is in. So I am just going to pretty much ignore any traits affected by that because I don't want to spend all night typing this up. Hell, I don't even care. I am married to a beautiful woman so it is kind of like, "fuck you guys, you are on your own." Ah... I guess I will finish this only because I am stubborn.
So women like men with symmetrical faces. Big fucking surprise there. I mean seriously, did we need a study to know that women are not attracted to Quasimodo? More attractive men apparently smell better as well even if a woman cannot see the man. Basically women can be blind folded, smell a group of men, and the ones who smell best will be the ones who the women will rate as more attractive when the blind fold comes off. Women find men with bigger penises to be more attractive up to a certain point. Women are also attracted to taller men, but again up to a certain height.
A funny fact actually. A shorter man has to have a much longer penis to be found as attractive of a taller man. And when a certain shortness is reached, no amount of penis size can affect a man's attractiveness rating. A small plump man with a large penis is considered the most unattractive. A taller man can have a smaller penis and still be found more attractive. A tall man with a bigger penis ranks the highest. Women prefer a man with less body hair. Again no fucking shit there right? Have you ever met a woman who wanted to fuck a woolly mammoth? Maybe in the 80s, but things were different then. In the 80s women loved mustaches and mullets, so I am sure they could accept a nice hairy chest. Thankfully the mullet, mustaches, and hairy chests went the way of stretch pants. Only hillbillies from Ohio have them.
What women really like though is a man with a bigger chest and a smaller waist. Along with this, they like a man with broad shoulders. This is known as the "v-taper". In the 40s they used to sell mens coats with padding in the shoulders and a tightened waist to give the appearance of a nice v-taper. This is the classic look that has defined modern bodybuilding since its inception. If you look back to ancient Greece and their sculptures you will see broad shoulders and thin waists.
Unluckily for Beef Supreme, he has the opposite of that ideal look. He has fat deposits increasing his waist size and narrow shoulders which kills any chance of a nice v-taper. Losing the fat around the belly is fairly straight forward. Start following a solid diet and begin a training regime. Make sure to hit the weights hard and perform cardio a few times a week. Some people respond better to certain things and respond worse to others but I will monitor Beef Supreme's progress and make adjustments as necessary. He also needs to add some width to his shoulders. He cannot change his bone structure obviously. Instead we have to work with what he has, but the better he develops his side and rear shoulders the broader his shoulders will look. The first Mr. Olympia, Larry Scott, had a more narrow shoulder structure but due to his training he appeared to have a nice set of broad shoulders.
Well that is it for now. This is the end of the beginning of this series. More to come very soon!!!
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