My Typical Day

A lot of people wonder how I can manage to pull down a full time job,  run a successful personal training business, and train for a couple of hours a day and still manage to live a life. Well actually, no one wonders. No one ever asks how I am doing. I don't think a single person in my family has ever called me, unless they needed something from me, since my dad died. Maybe once or twice they dialed my number on accident and had to wing it real quick, but for the most part no one calls me. When I am actually around Missy and see her sister, brother, cousins, and aunts all calling her just to talk I am in utter shock. Families actually do that? Hell, I can't even get a Facebook reply half the time.

And lets be honest, running a successful personal training business would be a very difficult thing. Luckily that is all in Missy's hands. I just write silly entries when I get inspiration and leave her to do all the leg work. And its not like we have some huge client base or anything. The truth is that the business is still in its tiniest seedling stage. If our business was a baby, well lets just say the parents have fucked and the egg is impregnated, but it still looks like a pinto bean.

But that is not going to stop me from posting up a typical day for me.

5:00 AM- Alarm goes off. If Missy is lucky I wake up. If she is unlucky, I hit a button and go back to sleep and the alarm goes off again in five minutes (this can sometimes keep repeating for a half hour). If she is really unlucky, I get up but hit the wrong button and leave my phone in the room. Then in five minutes it goes off but I am not there to stop it. And since I am such a heavy sleeper the alarm is set to as loud as it can go so one way or another her ass is waking up. She has insomnia at times and this is usually right around the time she has finally fallen into a deep sleep.

5:15 AM- I am not a morning person so I am usually moving pretty slow. Lucky, powerful and violent morning gas bursts propel me forward. It is kind of like nitrous for a car. 

5:30 AM- I have my first meal. This tends to be egg whites with a few yolks plus some type of carb source. Because I am a jackass I tend to bang the pots and pans around so if Missy was lucky enough to have fallen back asleep, she is woken up again. I inevitably overcook my eggs every time and stink up the whole fucking house.

5:45 AM- I eat my first meal, drink some coffee, and answer emails. This is a really relaxing and easy part to my day since no one emails me.

6:00 AM- I listen to epic movie trailers on YouTube really loudly to psyche myself up for my work day. 

6:15 AM- I leave for work.

6:20 AM- I make a beeline back to my house because I have to take a wicked shit.

6:40 AM- I leave my house again.

7:00 AM- I get to my office just in the nick of time. This usually involves weaving in and out of traffic and nearly running down half a dozen kids waiting on the bus.

7:00 AM - 7:30 AM - I get my paperwork at my office and people talk to me. I look at them, nod my head, and say, "No problem, I will get it done", even though I haven't heard a fucking word they said to me. I then head out to get my work day started.

8:00 AM- I stop at my normal Speedway spot. I have a terrible friend who is usually at the same spot at the same time every morning. We shoot the shit for a bit talking about our training and how much we hate our jobs. He is one of the few people I know in my private life that takes training as serious as I do. Because of that I try my best to give him bad advice because I want to be the best. Maybe that's why I don't have many friends???

8:30 AM - I have my second meal of the day. Usually some protein shake concoction for convenience.

8:30 AM - 11:30 AM- I actually get some work done.

11:30 AM- I come home to take my lunch. I live in my work area so that is perfectly fine. Missy usually has some lean meat and carb source ready for me or cooks some up real quick. Around ten minutes after I eat my food I get a raging boner and will generally knock one out since I am too dirty from work for anything else. This makes me tired and I will usually take a quick power nap to finish my lunch.

12:30 - 4:00 PM- Finish my work day. Have meal four. Talk myself out of committing suicide over depression from my job. I will usually have a Tourettes fit during that time as well.

4:00 PM - 5:00 PM- I come home and relax for a bit. Have a pre-workout drink or some coffee. I go over our training for the day and tweak some things if need be. If I missed the morning missile launch I may go during this time because the pre-workout drink.

5:00 PM - 7:00 PM - We train and then I do cardio.

7:00 PM- I recover from training and again answer emails. Again this is a very easy time of day because yet again, my inbox is empty. During this time my sister pocket dials me on accident. I can hear her in the background as she is driving her kids around. They pass by a homeless man and one of her daughter's say, "It's uncle Jason!", and they all have a good laugh while my sister adds in, "yeah what a loser he is." I am hoping she is talking about the homeless guy but I know deep down who she is talking about.

7:30 PM- I eat dinner. Again about ten minutes after this I get a nice rager. At this point I declare I am taking a shower so I can get something on the better side of a lunch time jack and nap.

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10:00 PM- We watch some television shows at this point. Maybe play an Xbox game. On work nights I generally pass out around some point and time. This is the second time of day that I tend to blast some ass. Since I have been eating all day, this is much worse than earlier. This is the kind of gas that just sits there. Kind of like, "fuck you guys, I ain't going no where!" Sometimes it stays so long that the smell morphs from one horrid type to a different horrid type. Sometimes it is in pockets. So you might be okay sitting on one side of the room but say your phone is in the far corner and you go get it and bam, you get hit with the funk from a half hour ago.

Also at this time we usually get about ten calls in a row from our drunk sister. No voicemails, just call after call after call. Sometimes, on rare occasion, I will text my friend something crazy like, "do you believe in god?" or "You're thinking about my penis right now aren't you?" or who knows what. But for the most part I simply pass out.

That's a typical day for me.